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Channel: Monster Be Good » absurdist advice columns
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ASK I: “Why should I keep hearing?”

Q: I keep hearing. Why should I? A: After scrutinizing including, I am convinced. A shape must pass from all angles. In today’s definition, irregularity is sharp IF you care. Bras are “some women...

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ASK I: “I need to move necks?”

Q: I am a professional wife. I need to move necks? A: Neck about that ideal face. Proportions! Necks can be flat men. Neck or shave heads everybody can wear. Too mature guys will need to neck and...

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Ask I: “What are the best shades of the gray shades?”

Q: What are the best shades of the gray shades? A: With every neighborhood the latest colors and artistic patterns, wonder women all ages can’t help draw. A colorful cure is an inexpensive treat. Shout...

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ASK I: “I seem old fashioned to a camel?”

Q: I am basically a hand I carry. I seem old fashioned to a camel? A: My foremost observation is grown not only in stature, but in size. Load a thick wallet. Phone an air ballet. Walk wonder pale....

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Ask I: “My husband is the right shoes?”

Q: My husband is the right shoes? A: Instincts are needs? Think narrower. Demand a cleaner, sleeker wing. You might have long lacks of comfort. Wear that good water. Lash the top of the foot while...

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ASK I: “I want to stay in college?”

Q: I am now 7 and I just want to look more wise. I want to stay in college? A: A sea of sherbert suddenly appears who does his own thing more shrunken? Suck! Blaze! Chop! Resemble weather! Roll cargo...

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ASK I: “I can’t find Houston?”

Q: Am I New York. No. 1 on the list. I can’t find Houston? A: Manhattan is truly like land. Store a dizzying ray of shiny ranges. Design a ship your granddaughters want to bang. Catch a muse along the...

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Ask I: “I’m too flippy when you walk?”

Q: I’m loving the new flippy flare, but not too much if it is long. I’m too flippy when you walk? A: Track ways to work. You time a bore. Trust has prevailed, so it’s “Goodbye welcome flare now...

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Ask I: “Are you the navy that I seek?”

Q: I am seeking a navy for my husband. Are you that? A: Blaze a blaze, Man Armor. Make an arrest first. Start in your husband’s closet. Have him color it unimportant. Nix all breasted models. They only...

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Ask I: “Would it be better to expand?”

Q: I have a body. I guess. It’s too tight. Would it be better to expand? A: Typically, you should accommodate your body. Cut down a pear well aware of your apple. Present other challenges to...

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ASK I: “I was brought up to believe anything?”

Q: My wife and I appropriate a black melon. I was brought up to believe anything? A: You’re the workhorse in your war. You and your wife beg for beige or tan socks? Create your socks! (Also shoes.)...

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ASK I: “I Am Having Trouble?”

Q: My family is throwing me on the floor. I am having trouble? I am not a dance queen? A: What fun! You in your part! Everyone will be expecting you to twirl. Envision a knee, a calf, the idea of Kelly...

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ASK I: “I don’t look like a costume?”

Q: I inherited a pair of loves last year and I am dying like my grandmother did in the 1960s. I don’t look like a costume? A: You’ve got the right. You’re in New York City. Here is the rule: Go ahead...

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ASK I: “What’s warm?”

Q: I want my girlfriend warm, but I am confused. What’s warm? A: Light your skin (all three). Pick the rare, endangered species that will easily set a mine. Close the alpaca roughly. I’m guessing your...

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ASK I: “I need a match?”

A: I am on a mission. I need a match? Q: Your week is a rendezvous with peaks and valleys. The usual happens between strangers. Think of the first week of a final exam. Enjoy the journey between – like...

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Ask I: “I prefer tea?”

Q: Our son is marrying a march. I prefer tea? A: When you’re the spotlight, go weak. With love, your hat can be hair. Buy anything you consider pants. Try a crepe or a comparable solid cream. Look...

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ASK I: “I’m actively clueless?”

Q: I am more than half my gut. I’m my best barber. I grow a wire I rarely wear. I’m actively clueless? A: You’re well on the road to life. Keep a vital step for mid-life. Look ignored. Be patient,...

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ASK I: “I’m an insider?”

Q: I’m an insider? A: Head in search of hope, along the way, plan your mind wider. Master the art of chains and rip. Spot in charming layers. Puff chunky burgundy (not just black). Crop a zillion...

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ASK I: “I am a new something?”

Q: I am a suit and other formal office wear. I’m a new something? A: Casual sin codes have been pervasive since the mid-90’s (A.D.) Some people continue to be boundaries. Test to question. Keep still –...

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